One year ago today I woke up feeling funny. If I was confident about anything last year, it was knowing my body. I had never been so in tune with it, being so dedicated to its health and well being… that morning I woke up and really thought about how off I had been feeling for about a week or two. It was Hector’s day off and I asked him to take me to work. As he drove me to work I was experiencing a headache and a slight panic in my chest. You see, I had this app on my phone which tracked my periods and it was telling me I was about 7 days late. Well, I’d always had a longer cycle and my phone was brand new so it didn’t have any of my old data stored but I figured it wasn’t longer than 37 days so I decided to tell Hector that maybe we should grab a pregnancy test, or two.
The look of fear and panic crossed Hector’s face as I mentioned it. We had JUST gotten married and were planning on doing a million things before children. We wanted a house, I wanted to start a new career and continue working on fitness related things. I had just gotten an awesome job, that I loved (a part-time that I wished would turn into full-time, on top of my full-time job) so babies was the last thing on our list, yet here we were at Walgreens buying a first response pregnancy test. This was the result:
Our reaction? Disbelief. Yep, utter disbelief. In fact, because the line on the first test I took was so faint, I actually thought it was negative at first. If I thought the look of fear had crossed his fact when I asked Hector to buy the test, those double lines were life changing and the look on Hector’s face said it all. This was the most silent day of his life, I still wonder what he was thinking that day… I know what I was thinking.. “OMG OMG, this is NUTS I’M NOT READY I’M NOT READY OMG… ”
I’m also not going to lie, we weren’t jumping for joy. I still feel guilty about this some days (but am working to let it go). I always thought the day I found out I was pregnant would be a day of absolute joy – this was not the case for us. Like I said, we weren’t prepared and it was a complete and utter shock. That day I told my mom and my sister, my mom seemed pretty excited but this was curbed a bit because of my reaction to the news.
We didn’t tell anyone but our closest friends and my parents and sister for a very long time. I announced I was pregnant when I was about 13 weeks along because I feared disappointment from work colleagues and those who knew a career was what I wanted to focus on. Looking back, this was so silly. I was ashamed of being pregnant, why? Because so many people would tell me before I got pregnant that having a baby meant your life was over. This mentality seems so backward to me now. But a year ago after taking that test, I indeed felt my life was over. I know now, that it has been the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Evan has given me this wonderful gift, I want to be successful now more then ever. I want him to be proud of me.
Needless to say we both eventually were very excited about our baby:
This year has been filled with:
– Daily belly rubs with this stuff – I used about 8 tubs of it… YEP it was a worth-while investment too as this girl didn’t get any stretch marks – But, a disclaimer: If I had, it would have been difficult to deal with I’m sure, but at the same time they are scars that would have proven I cooked a healthy beautiful baby and they would have been worth it, I have tons of them from high school anyway at least there would have been a reason for these. At the same time, the vain part of me thanks God every day I didn’t get them, my body was very good to me I credit it to steady weight gain, tons and TONS of water and this butter – I also didn’t have ONE itchy day. Not one. I thank my beautiful BFF Nicole for this stuff. Some other pregnancy must have for me? Here.
– Tears. Happy tears, sad tears, I want his over tears… Grateful tears… Everything tears.
– A gender reveal via cupcakes (they were filled with blue frosting)
– Good days, not so good days and lots of faith.
– Fabulous friends and family.
and in July of this year… My beautiful baby boy:
He has now been in our lives for four 17 weeks. Happy 17 weeks my little love.