Four years ago I wrote this:

Realizes life is just too short. Have you ever woken up and thought to yourself “I can’t wait until this day is over!” It’s sad how we take life for granted until it’s over. What some people would give to get those wasted days back. Tomorrow I am going to take the time to breathe a little deeper, to watch the leaves fall from the trees, enjoy my cup of coffee for the taste and not the caffeine to keep me going, I am going to hug people just a little tighter to show them I really appreciate them being in my life and just to feel their touch, I am going to think twice about getting upset that a car cuts me off or that an Attorney at work is giving me too much work for one day, I am going to look at my textbooks a little longer and appreciate all the hard work it took to get them into my hands to be a tool to my future knowledge, I am going to listen intently when people speak because I’d wish they’d do the same for me… Don’t dwell on the past, and don’t live in the future, live for the now and today. Enjoy family, friends and what makes you happy. At the end of the day we don’t know what is going to happen the next so let’s just cherish every moment. Keep your head high… Truly live each day as it’s your last. Love too much, Listen intently, Laugh like you mean it, kiss with passion, and hug tightly…

Rest In Peace Lionel. 😦

Lionel’s brother posted how today marked four years, and I felt breath literally leave my body.  Four years?  How did that happen?  How does life go on when you lose someone way too soon?  Evan gives me that want to live each day like it is our last.  To enjoy every second, even the sucky ones where he is crying and you can’t seem to comfort him quickly enough.  Then I think about Lionel, and how his son is four years older.  Without his father and my heart breaks.  It is that whole, “life isn’t fair” thing that runs through my head.  Everyone has these stores of lives ended too early.  A dear friend of mine wrote me earlier about a loss in her family (maybe not blood, but my definition of family exceeds those blood lines, just ask my friends… I’d do anything for them) and again my heart feels heavy.  I don’t know that family, but I know my friend.  I know her heart is heavy and pained and I just want to take it all away.

One thing I’m terrible with is loss, I simply cannot cope.  Even when all else around you continues, I feel like those moments are the only moments that last forever.  A heavy heavy heart, mourning, missing.

So friends, with a heavy heart I remind you to drink your coffee.  Cuddle with loved ones.  Let your baby drool all over your face and pull your hair 😉 (Evan’s favorites lately).  Just when you think you have enough cuddles for the day… Cuddle some more.  Forgive. Forgive. Forgive.  Appreciate, breathe and soak it in.  Today truly is a blessing.  Even when you are at work staring at what you are doing saying “ugh, where IS 5:00” (or the equivalent) remember this is your life and 5:00 will come and it will go but those wasted minutes… we never get back.

Stay positive people.

And for all our lost loved ones.  We miss you, we celebrate your life, but we miss your tangible presence.  ❤