So we are into week two of being back at work. What have I noticed? Time goes by too quickly. My sweet baby is just growing before my eyes and all I can focus on are his cute moments and how I want to remember them all.
Isn’t memory a crazy thing? How certain smells can remind you of a time, how a song can evoke memories from the past?
I have always been someone who is in tune with their senses. Maybe because my eyes are so bad, everything else works so well. I can dig through a pile of laundry and know exactly what shirt I am looking for by touch. The song “Baby Boy” will always remind me of Miggie’s old house in EP and hanging out at her house after school. So many old songs remind me of very exact moments or periods of my life. This might be everybody, who knows, I just know that my senses are like a storybook.
My house ALWAYS smells like the seasons. I’m addicted to candles and they must match the season. Pumpkin spice and falling leaves in the fall, balsam pine (omg, I die) in the winter, springy flowers in the spring and melons in the summer.
When I got pregnant my senses went into super crazy hyper drive, I was so sick that I can remember not liking loun for a while, the touch on my skin reminded me how sick I was. The SMELL of a certain laundry detergent (TIDE sport) STILL bothers me because I wore it when my pregnant senses were screaming “this smells bad, you want to puke!!” and I almost would cry when Hector would say “You smell good!” because that smell never seemed to want to wash out of my clothes (we have since switched to free and clear and will never go back). I still have a great distaste for that smell, but THANKFULLY love my loun once again.
Where am I going with this? Today I asked a friend if she could remember everything about her son, as he is growing. I knew she couldn’t, but I almost wish she said yes. When I went for lunch to nurse Evan today, I remember holding him and looking at him (like I have done many times so far in his life) and hoping that I would remember just how small he was, how his hand would pound my chest. I hoped I would remember that he had the same outfit in newborn and three months and how he once fit in the newborn size and now fits so snugly into the 3 month size. I hope that I remember how nice he fit in my arms. I know I’ll remember that today was the say I noticed he is getting far too long, and his legs dangle far away from my body. His new thing is to push away from me with his strong legs (he’s a ninja), he gets upset because he pushes his body away from me and doesn’t realize he is the one causing this.
I need to be better at writing things down. I know I’ll be grateful that I have my blog diary but even little moments with Evan I want to remember. All of my pregnancy moments feel so faded already. I KNOW that I would stare at my belly and tell myself, this isn’t going to last forever, take it in… As I rubbed lotion on my belly tonight I realized it really isn’t noticeable I had a baby in there. Sure there is a little excess fat and my skin isn’t as tight but I notice it a bit tighter by the day (thank you firming lotion!). I’m of course grateful for this, that my body took pregnancy so well but at the same time I’m sad that I didn’t relish a little more in the wonderful moments of carrying my beautiful baby in there. I’m not beating myself up, I just remember that if there is a next time I know what to do to keep my body and baby healthy – I’m going to enjoy every single second of my baby bump next time.
Some awesome resent memories?
– Buddy walk [fail] and 30 seconds with my best and her family.
– A Saturday spent at home, with my baby cuddled in my arms. ALL.DAY. It was perfection. Absolute perfection.
– 30 seconds of private time with the hubby. I nice long hug – we need to remember to get some us time. He is a favorite though, Iove him tons.
– Evan’s new “I want to laugh, but I scream” moments. Melt. My. Heart.
– This morning’s coffee, in my favorite coffee cup [love my sister]
– an hour of “me” time this am, to finish a post and do some stretching Now off to cuddle with my baby and finish getting ready for work. I have to pop into TJs today for some pumpkins and squash. Because it is about that time.
I’m a simple girl, who loves the simple things. Sure I freak out about many things, but I’m learning to release control and go with the flow a little more each day. Who gives me that bliss? My sweet baby who just wants to snuggle and my wonderful husband who still holds my hand.
A huge part of living a healthy lifestyle is mental. It is something that never should be neglected. For me fitness helps me mentally – the pavement and yoga mat are my favorite forms of therapy But you also have to love you life, and take time to cuddle. Lately I don’t hate myself (like I use to) if I skip a workout to rock my baby to sleep, or if some of the dishes aren’t washed at night before I go to be Oh. Well. (hubby can do them in the morning) – Give yourself a break. Breathe. Enjoy every moment, and make lots of memories – Life flashes before our eyes. ❤