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Mind Chaos

3 weeks. It’s been 3 weeks since our newest little man has joined us. My birth story still isn’t done, I have 10 thousand things going on in my brain and I’m really just trying to find my new routine while enjoying every single snuggly moment I can. So as my sweet sweet babe sleeps wrapped in his Solly Wrap I’m going to share some current mind chaos. In hopes someone can give me some pointers on how to slow my brain the heck down and I’ll share what I currently do to slow the chaos down.

It’s been a while since I had a new baby. While some things are [luckily] second nature to me, some of it is a very raw reminder of how I felt early months with my other boys. So while nursing and just caring for this sweet baby is wonderful, my anxiety is not. It’s not a baby anxiety which is what I want to talk about since it seems people don’t equate having a baby and escalating anxiety not relating to baby as a thing but it totally is – it’s a life anxiety and it’s heightened right now likely because of being postpartum. It’s a the house isn’t clean, it needs to be perfect. It’s a my kids are watching too much tv, I’m a bad mom. It’s a it’s 6pm and dinner isn’t done, now my kids are starving – bad mom. Baby C is 3 weeks old I only have x amount of weeks left with him before I go back to work = bad mom. He’s growing so fast = tears because time just doesn’t slow down. There is DUST EVERYWHERE! Ugh, this dog I love him but I JUST vacuumed. Ugh the battery died on my vacuum cleaner and I can see dog hair is just piling up. Is that a crumb? The floors need to be washed. Michael needs to be picked up, better walk faster. Ugh it’s hot, is the baby too hot? am I walking to fast for his little head? Did they wash their hands? Ugh. Germs, no baby colds, no KID COLDS, I hate sick kids – anyway you get it. My mind is in CONSTANT chaos. It’s constantly jumping from one thing to another and then more mom guilt – I’m spending too much time worrying about all I do and not enjoying baby snuggles, baby nursing sessions, etc.

Then I remember to slow down and get back to basics. Being 3 weeks postpartum I feel awesome physically we are walking several miles a day but I really need to find my meditation and more vigorous workout routines again. This helps me get back into check but I also need to be aware this anxiety is more intense than my usual anxiety and I need to be comfortable talking about it and asking for help, as much as I am super woman – there are other heroes in the world, right? I mean some things are just too much to take on all on your own.

So why write this chaotic post about my mind chaos? To remind myself of two things and to remind my readers of this same stuff:

  1. We are all doing a great job. It’s fine to want to be better and work toward it, that’s life – growth. As long as you recognize it and work towards it rather than become totally impaired by said anxiety of being perfect, you are doing great. Are you actually impaired? Miserable? Time to talk to someone about figuring out tools to get out of it and being open to ALL avenues of it not just talking about it, but finding the HELP to get you back to a person, you should never just feel like a shell, or hopeless, and if you do let’s talk about it let’s hold each other up.
  2. Find your anchor + change your perspective + gratitude. What brings you back to the present? For me it’s a few things: it’s writing, being creative through photography and using my mind for something tangible so I can say this is how I spent my time. It’s physical exertion (getting in a walk, run, ride, yoga, and meditation). It’s listening to my Spotify playlist, reading, listening to a podcast or audible (again using my brain to focus on something). It’s looking at my kids and being grateful for all of it – the arguments over what shoes to wear but also the sweet moments when I have all kids piled on top of me (sometimes I have a give me MY DANG SPACE moment but other times I realize this won’t be forever and I need to just enjoy the affection I’m getting from them today).

How do you tackle mind chaos? Do you experience it? Is it overwhelming or does it just fuel your more productive ventures?

Anywho, my current babe is in need of something so I’m out. 🙂

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