comments 4

Being Honest

I always wanted to be the person who decided with my husband the perfect time to have a baby.  I wanted to be excited to stop whatever form of birth control, and look forward to a missed period.  I wanted to cry tears of happiness when the result came back positive.  I wanted to come up with a cute way to share it with friends and family and I wanted to be “ready” or as “ready” as you can be to have a baby…

 

That was not reality for me.  My husband and I got pregnant immediately after getting married, and completely by accident.  It had been an insane month, I was job hunting, preparing for the Chicago Marathon, getting a part time job and lululemon, getting MARRIED, planning that wedding in like two weeks, and working a whole bunch of hours at my full-time job.  As things died down, I ran a short 5k with my sister in November and started feeling no-so myself. I figured it was because I had such a crazy October and working full-time and part time that November.  Then, a week before Thanksgiving (how ironic) I realized I was quite a few days late with my period.  I knew the exact date of my last one October 8th, because it was Marathon time, and I was pissed.  I was always very regular and new something was “off” with me.  So I told my husband who was beyond surprised at this.  Sure enough, we came home and took two tests…  They were positive, and the sad thing?  Neither of us were happy.

I know that sounds terrible, but it is reality.  I look back and want to cry because I was so upset over the news, and didn’t stop to think nearly enough how much of a blessing it was.  I cried countless hours in the beginning.  I wasn’t ready.  We JUST got married.  We had plans to travel first, buy a home, and enjoy married life, just us.  Funny how life throws you curve balls, huh?

It didn’t help that I had a pretty awful first trimester (tons of morning-noon-night sickness until about 17-18 weeks) and for some reason was embarrassed to be pregnant.  Why?  I have no clue.  I work with a bunch of people whose opinions matter a ton to me and I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.  The people I work with, my parents… myself.  I felt disappointed in myself.  Why?  Because I wanted to have a career, and be successful.  I wanted to have kids on my time, to be able to give them everything they wanted.

Looking back, getting pregnant was exactly what I needed.  I feel I cut short so much of my pregnancy not liking how my body was changing, and worrying about how it would bounce back.  Vain, right?  Looking at my son, even if I had stretch marks and morning sickness until the day I gave birth… It was all worth it.  He is SO worth everything.  I’m glad I took some time nearing the end of my pregnancy to enjoy it a bit, because my little love was in there… growing, developing, and learning my voice.

I feel so INCREDIBLY lucky to have such a wonderful little baby.  I have gotten so lucky my whole life, granted I work hard for a lot of things, but I have also simply gotten lucky with others.  Like friends, I have incredible friends and luck brought them to me.  It isn’t easy to find good friends, but mine have fallen into my lap and I feel so blessed.  My family, is amazing.  My husband, is fabulous.  And my baby, he is such a good baby.  I’m not trying to flaunt it, but I’m really just trying to say how lucky I am.  He is mellow, much like his father (thank god!) and just loving.  He likes to cuddle, he looks for me when I talk and he isn’t in my arms.  He is perfect.  Really, in every way.

Sometimes, when I find myself complaining about something (like my weight right now) I really try to look at the bigger picture.  I have a happy healthy family, wonderful friends, a roof over my head, a puppy who craves my love and affection… I mean, really what else could a girl want.  I’m just so grateful.

Today marks my son’s one month birthday.  The past month has taught me so much.  I never thought I could love something as much as I love him.  Each day my love for him grows.

So, although I missed out on some serious pregnancy moments from being sad… I’m embracing each day and finding the positive in everything I can.  Mostly because, I’m a mom now.  I want Evan to live in a positive world with happy parents.  Everyone has their off days, but I have so much to be grateful for, that I need to make sure I live like I have lived for the past month, with far less of those days than in the past.

My little love bug is making those “Mommy, I need you” noises… ❤

Happy One Month Birthday my little angel.

 

4 Comments

  1. Great honest post. It can be hard to adjust when our plans get botched, but being grateful for your blessings certainly helps get you there! As a mom to thee teen boys I can tell you there will be many more opportunities to adjust to curve balls:)! Enjoy being a Mom – its an awesome thing!

  2. I totally understand not being ready. When the test turned I started crying saying “What are we going to do?” 6 months later, I’m totally mommy-ing it up 🙂 Scariest moment turned best thing that ever happened to me. Congrats on your baby 🙂

    • Jen

      Thank you!! He is amazing! I’m so glad you are so into the baby, he is my life now! I really can’t imagine it without him!! Enjoy your little one!

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