Train Thoughts 4.24.15

my goal in life is to inspire.  Why?  Likely because I think people are amazing.  I think the world is filled with overwhelming beautiful things and people and we too often let darkness cloud the light.  I’m totally totally guilty of this. But these guys bring me back to the beauty in .3 seconds.  

Media is so incredibly powerful.  I’m so out of tune with it because since having my boys I’m incredibly sensitive to life.  I cry at beauty.  Cry at pain.  I feel so intensely everything around me.  I love being in touch with those feelings but they also terrify me.  Anxiety?  Sure. But it’s making me a better person.  Being emotional is not a bad thing.  It drives me to do push-ups and pull ups when I’d rather be sleeping.  It drives me to smile vs pout.  It drives me to give hugs to Evans tantrums over throwing my hands up and yelling.  

We only get one shot at life. My advice is simple: do what makes you happy, drop people who make you feel anything but awesome, stop and soak up the vitamin D, thank God for everything, love hard, be grateful, listen to good music, and find your happy place… Go there often.  Treat your body like your most prized possession because its yours and it does wonderus things. Bad days happen.  Push past it. Own your life.

I’m still figuring out things everyday but everyday I’m grateful and smile and my boys are healthy and happy and safe. I’m winning. The best things in life really are free. My sister asked Evan “Evan would you save Micheal from a skunk? “

Evan: “uh huh.  And ghosts and monsters and dinosaurs”

My heart.  My soul.  I’m so proud of you.

  

You are my everything.

#rambleonfriends #streamoftrainthoughts 

Oh and do yoga folks #lifechanges #namaste

Morning Rituals

I am a morning person.  I wasn’t always for some reason in college and high school I thought it was cool to be a night owl.  So not cool (for me, I’m so unproductive in the pm). I’ve definitely switched up and enjoy early mornings.  It’s nice to see warmer weather because I’m hoping it will motivate early runs with my favorite bear-Oso. We both can use the stretch. 

My best mornings have the following highlights:

Breakfast in a mason jar usually to go:

   

 

Coffee a plenty.

Warm lemon water.

Stretches on my Mat, some ab work and attempts at pull-ups. Flashback to my skinny self pumping them out NBD right now I’m working my way back. 

Shower.

Folding at least half a basket of laundry.

Snuggles with my littles:

   

(Throwback!)

Putting a preped lunch in my bag with a cooler for my liquid gold. 

Pumping sesh before work. 

More snuggles. 

Frantic panic to find keys, run to my car, get to the train station.

Phone call to my mom.

Train.

  Union.

Workflow.

Ten Things Tuesday

1. I love to read but it’s the first thing that gets cut from my crazy days. #reprioritize 

2. My favorite smoothie is still: spinach, celery, lemon, banana, pineapple, Cheyenne pepper ūüėć in my life factory bottle, please:  

3. I’m self diagnosed seasonally depressed.  I get soooo blue after the holidays and wish the weather warm during the coldest time in Chicago.  

4.  I’m a lululemon addict.  I have a problem I check my app 100x a week put things in the cart, take things out, put things in, take things out. That said I’m a workout clothing addict, actually. But LOTS of lulu

5. I walk into the Gap for me, walk out with something for Hector and lots of things for the boys… Nothing for me.  I blame sales.

6. I’m an Amazon prime member, their app is the devil. ūüėą I mean I love my fedex angel. ūüėá

7. I have the biggest crush on Dr Reed. Can I have his brain? He can read a whole 1000 page book in 5 minutes #lovetheNerds

8. I love lifting. And tell myself I love running although the thoughts when I run are too often “why do I tell people I love this?  This sucks. One foot in front of the other.  What an awful song.  Why won’t my earbuds stay in.  Why do I feel so uncoordinated” I get through the run and feel so good… That’s it. That high, that I did good feeling.  That’s why I run.

9. I treat myself when I hit fit peaks. I set small goals and treat myself accordingly (excuse to finally buy something waiting in the lulu cart). 

10. I’m madly in love with my husband.

  

This Weekend 3.29.15

My mind races at about 1500 miles an hour. ¬†Fast right? ¬†I’ve wondered a lot if I have a slight issue with anxiety. ¬†Ok wondered isn’t the word, I definitely have issues with anxiety. ¬†Probably the reason why everyone in my life likes when I regularly practice yoga. ¬†It really keeps me in check. Weekends are no joke around here. ¬†Per my previous post I spend a great deal of my day cleaning, lots of shopping (Costco! Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods), I meal prep most Sundays (roasted veggies, lots of rice/quinoa, grilled chicken are staples), and I really do try to spend quality time with friends and family. ¬†Yesterday was nuts. ¬†I have no idea what was accomplished but we ended up at dinner with my favorite Uncle, my parents, my bro, his daughter and my boys. ¬†We took the tank, it was great:

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My parents are so awesome.  They love the kiddos to pieces.  My brother, Joey has two girls and I have two boys.  Ages: 9, 2.5, 1.5 and almost 5 months, they keep my parents busy but inject insane amounts of love into our lives.

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I know, I know – Evan needs a haircut.

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Jaylee reminds me of the nonstop cuteness that happens around 1.5, they walk with such determination and really want to get places. ¬†She is also babbling, she knows what she is saying even if I don’t understand her. lol

So last night was great, time with family.

But with those shenanigans there goes my brain again: ¬†I didn’t do laundry, I didn’t go to the gym, the house is a mess, I didn’t do x or y, why are my triceps so sore?, where is Hector?, we gotta get to Lowes/Home Depot/Mendards, I’m supposed to do the Shamrock Shuffle in the am!, shit – the dog., I mean it really never ends. Haha. So I went to bed with a full brain – then sleep basically never happened. ¬†Baby making noises, Oso’s chain ringing every time he moved, I hear him running up and down the steps, I hear Hector snoring, oops there is the baby again!, gotta get up early for the race, then bam, no alarm because my husband thought I should “sleep in”. *sigh*

So may late lazy morning looked like this:

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Blended coffee.

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Lazy parent’s breakfast for toddler.

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You pay for swings, jumpers, rock n play’s, etc. and he wants to chill in his carseat. Ha.

So now it is a cold sunday, I’m missing my 8k that I totally didn’t train for but DID pay for. ¬† SO I’m going to get it together and go to the gym while the hubs is home and my mom is willing to be my date. ¬†Happy Sunday ya’ll.

 

The Battle.

Hi friends. ¬†I was reminded yesterday it has been far too long since I’ve updated. ¬†Why? ¬†IDK because life is cray. ¬†My boys (all four of them) need me constantly. ¬†I’m back at work, trying to fit in sweat seshs, cuddle time, photo time, me time, clean time. ¬†I’m basically doing 100 things a day and only get to slow down when these dudes tell me, ok – quality me time… I mean how can you resist these “mom. what are you doing? ¬†Pick me up already” faces:

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I’m blissfully happy most of the time, totally rushed all the time and a maniac part of the time. ¬†Ha. ¬†My mind races with the things I should be doing vs. the things I am doing and I complain too much about not enough hours in the day – complain less, do more is one of the things I repeat to myself when the dark ninja starts karate chopping my positive brain waves into useless depressing ones. ¬†Multitasking is the only option (as I nurse and type) most of the time and I have been powering down a lot (no fb, no phone, texts, emails, etc… it has to wait). ¬†The one thing my dudes help me with tremedously is helping me do what is most important, first. ¬†I enjoy my endless rambling blog posts, really love taking pictures and really love my clean eats and workouts so that’s why I’m trying to fit in blog time. ¬†I can totally see why people love being newborn/baby/child photographers.. they really do make the very best subjects (drool and all):

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Here comes the battle part. ¬†Fitting in everything. ¬†Does it happen? Nope. ¬†Do I try my best? Yep. ¬†What keeps me sane? ¬†who knows. I’m learning more and more where I need to put effort. ¬†For instance, I need a cleaning lady. ¬†Why? ¬†Because it isn’t worth 5-6 hours of my weekend to wash baseboards, floors, bathrooms and windows. ¬†So that’s on my to-do list. ¬†Sure they might not do the perfect job like I would do, but too bad that’s 5-6 hours less quality time with my dudes. I also need to continue my purge. ¬†I’m a big non clutter, organized person. Clean clutter free house=happy Jen. ¬†Dirty clutter filled disorganized house=scary Jen (trust me no one likes that person, I know, hard to believe I can be unlikable hahahaha). ¬†Yet babies and adults come with SO. MUCH. STUFF. So I’m trying to be better about getting rid of/donating things. ¬†If I pick up a shirt or a pair of pants and I have to think for more than two seconds if it is something I will wear – out it goes. ¬†If it is something too big for me now (happy dance) or I hate the way it fits and only wear it bc I can’t find something clean – OUT IT GOES!! ¬†For the kids if I think it¬†looks too small for my giants E or MAV, to a plastic bin THAT goes. ¬†I don’t have time to do wasted laundry and I refuse to fold things that will get shuffled around in drawers and sit there for months. ¬†(clearly THAT has never happened….) ¬†I much rather pick up my camera and shoot 5 minutes of feet than shuffle through drawers and closets for things to wear:

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I’m going to wrap up this part of my battle as E is getting restless MAV needs a nap and I need to assemble myself into a human for the rest of the day.

Back soon.  Thanks for reading my random ramblings.

Jen.

(evan not pictured because he doesn’t stay still.)

Thanks

2 Months & 2.5 Years & 2 Years ago

Two Months:

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And this is how I feel about that:

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Two and a half YEARS:

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and the above is REALLY how I feel about THAT!  My beautiful boys, have been living the lives of sickies this past week.  There has been sooooooooooooo many coughs, so much snot, so much tea, honey and sleepless nights, but everyone is finally on the mend.  Each day Evan acts like a almost 4 year old, not 2.5 in fact no one really trusts me when I say he is 2, even my husband.

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I’m constantly defending the fact that YES he is going to throw tantrums, he is two…

My littlest muffin is also super-sized and super cute. He has a cough and runny nose (thank you so much for the invention of Nosefrida…. Or we’d really be in trouble) – which Evan never had as a baby it hasn’t been fun but he is still in good spirits and stinkin cute to boot:

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He is super super strong, very very heavy and a fantastic eater and sleeper.  I hope he sticks to that for when I return to work.

Michael has the most amazing little smile, he just coos at you – I miss so many pictures (even though I take 10000) because I’m just awestruck by his beauty. ¬†Then Evan, the most perfect big brother, so gentle and wonderful. ¬†My heart couldn’t be more full, really it Couldn’t.

More Twos we are celebrating? ¬†Two years in our home (yep we closed on our house TWO years ago) and TWO years at my not-so-new job! ¬†We are soaking in the TWOs. I’m looking forward to mending this weekend where we start the SECOND year of Hector’s 30s :D

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Monday Thoughts 1.12

Emotional.

That’s the word of the day. ¬†I’m totally conflicted. ¬†Anxiety creeping in. ¬†I expected this. ¬†I knew that my 12 weeks of maternity leave would fly. I knew that it would be beyond bittersweet to return to work. ¬†Sweet, because I do it so I can provide for my family and build my life beyond motherhood – it is what I need to do, for me. Bitter, for obvious reasons. ¬†I LOVE being with my boys. ¬†I truly do. ¬†I love nursing my sweet baby boy, even though clogged ducts that make me fall ill (that’s what happened this weekend *sad face*). ¬†I love living each moment with Evan, he is SO full of life. ¬†He is smart, funny and just down right amazing.

Emotional.

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Michael is thriving. ¬†He is 13lbs 9oz (70% tile) and 24.5 inches long (90+% tile), he is so strong and beautiful. ¬†I stare at him cry, on the rare occasion he does, just to be in awe of him. He does this lip quiver thing that I never want him to stop doing and I want to badly to capture in on video but have been unsuccessful. ¬†He is a cuddler like his brother, he likes to be wrapped tight and close. He doesn’t spend much time in his rock n play or his swing – he is in my arms or in the Moby. ¬†I just can’t get enough of him.

So many people told me there was no way I’d get so lucky with a sweet easy baby again. ¬†That my second would be a terror. ¬†Well they were all wrong, he is just as mellow and sweet as Evan was. ¬†He is an excellent nurser and pretty good sleeper. ¬†If I didn’t hate pregnancy so much I’d think about another. ¬†Really, he is that sweet. ¬†I love being a mother, and am sad I am not one who cannot enjoy pregnancy. ¬†I really am sad about that.

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Evan is also a mini monster. We weigh him and track his height in 2 months, I expect him to be pretty much off the charts.  He has had a major growth spurt, he is in 4T clothes and talks like a 4 year old. He can hold conversations and puts things together so much so it blows everyone away. People look at me crazy when I say he is almost two and half he has matured so much in the past two months it is really unreal Рeven early pictures of him and Michael show how he went from a toddler to a kid.  It makes me sad and proud.  Sad, because my newborn skipped so quickly to a baby and my toddler so quickly from a toddler to a child but proud because they are my boys, they are happy, healthy and beautiful.

Evan has adjusted to having Michael around so wonderfully I cannot believe it. It is something that no one around me can believe either. ¬†As much as Hector’s personality makes me absolutely crazy sometimes, my children exhibit that true mellowness that has to be in their genes, in their makeup – so I’m learning to love Hector’s mellowness, it gave my kids a great disposition.

Now – don’t get me wrong, not everything is sunshine and daisies all the time. ¬†Some days are tough, but most days are wonderfully balanced, except I find it hard to be away. ¬†Even though making time for me is important. Yoga helps me keep that anxiety in check, my kids and yoga teach me to be present. ¬†That is something I try to work on each day. ¬†Being present, not giving myself a heart attack about 6 months, 2 years, 10 years from now. ¬†Yes, my babies will grow – and yes, it breaks my heart they will not be babies forever – but they are babies now and I need to soak that all up. ¬†My body will get there, my heart will get there, as long as I’m moving forward and taking it all in (and taking A BILLION pictures) in the meantime.

Like I said, I’m emotional. Emotional thinking this could be my last baby, my last time to enjoy so much time at home with my boys. ¬†Emotional with gratitude. Emotional over so many things. I have to remind myself to keep breathing too because my boys are breathtaking. Simply breathtaking.

snuggle love