OH -For the Things I Love

I started to write a post around my birthday discussing how I actually like aging.  Because I’m slowly learning more and more about myself. Likes, dislikes – things I should spend time on, thinks I shouldn’t – relationships I want to develop, relationships that I don’t –  I love being a mom, love working (usually ;-) ), love taking care of my home (minus folding laundry and picking up dog poop), and generally enjoy being able to try to manage time doing things I love.  This year has been an immense year of growth, trying to find my rhythm and why some weeks are challenging as hell, some remind me that this is the only life you have and I find bliss and peace everywhere I can.


I’ve always been a thinker – I think all the time, makes it difficult to sleep sometimes difficult to focus on one task at hand because I have a million things floating in my brain.  I used to think exercise was my only release but I’ve found comfort in taking pictures, reading to my boys, and attempts at meditation. I’ve also found that forcing myself to get through something has helped me focus on something longer (ie those difficult coloring books, running an extra half mile or pushing myself in a challenging yoga pose just when I think I can’t I tell myself f-you, you can). Projects outside my scope of BAU at work have also helped a bit because I feel like I’m doing something bigger than my job title, hopefully making changes that might HELP an employee get through something.  It is very natural for me to put more on my plate, because for some reason I never really feel a sense of accomplishment – I never feel I’ve done GOOD enough.

Another thing that has challenged me lately?  Taking pictures.  I’m not quite sure of my goals yet maybe it is to learn Photoshop (haven’t opened it yet for any of my pictures, I’ve done light editing through Lightroom), or the capabilities of my camera – or maybe,probably most likely, it is to give someone a feeling of happiness through photographs the way Shannon (S.D. Wyatt Photography) has done for me.


Yesterday I took a few pictures of one of my very best friends.  This is a raw photo, no edits, no nothing.  It shows that babies aren’t always perfect but the look of calm and control on this momma’s face is true – she’s got it.  She’s in control and knows what her baby wants and needs, it’s truth, in a picture and I love it:


Then the moments with my boys, it is a challenge to NOT pick up the camera and try to capture everything with them – and just be in the moment.  I love them more than anything on the entire planet (again, no edits):

evan evanmav

This year I’m still finding it challenging to fit everything in and typically things for me fall by the wayside – actually too often they do.  So I’m making it a new goal to make sure I make time to get away, by myself, and nurture the things I need to nurture – for myself.

I’ll continue to overdo – it’s just who I am but in the meantime I’m going to fill my day with baby snuggles, laundry (yuck), and some homework.

Love. Light. Peace.

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Honesty at Best

Excuse –

  1. 1.
    attempt to lessen the blame attaching to (a fault or offense); seek to defend or justify.

Yep, that’s all I can give for my break from blogging. Sad part is I enjoy blogging.  Which means it needs to stop taking a back seat to everything going on in my life. Which brings me to being honest and wanting to discuss several things.  I couldn’t write (no would anyone read) all of my random thoughts in one blog post so that means I have lots of content but need to make the time to put it all out there: the beautiful, the ugly, the honest.  But I must say my current state of insanity has only one person to blame, me.


The beauty behind this smile is that my life on that day was pure chaos.  I’d been working, received a call that my littlest love, who I am still nursing, had no milk left. So I had to rush home to feed him, and work from home.  Through that chaos I’m immensely grateful for the management team that helps support me.  But that day was not an easy one.  I felt the true internal battle of: what is best for me?  what is best for Michael?  what is best for my job? Do people really understand the personal stress of the challenge of being a mom/working mom that either nurses or pumps for her little one?  WHY DOESN’T MY BODY OVERPRODUCE like it did with Evan?  Why am I so stressed all the time?  Why do I feel so sad, like I’m failing EVERYONE, especially me. – I pride myself on overall making good decisions; but that doesn’t mean I’m always the most confident person in the room, in fact, as beautiful as confidence is and as much as admire it in the people around me, I constantly struggle with myself on just how confident I am in all things in my life.

Anyway, like most things – this day worked out.  Michael was fed, my job’s immediate needs were met but one thing keeps lingering on:  my feeling of so many open ends and the overwhelming anxiety that brings.

Our society today has so many issues.  One – we report too much negative.  Yes, bad things happen. But so do beautiful things.  Yes, some things are ugly and need attention – but some things are so overwhelmingly breathtaking and they need attention too:


Like how a simple curtain can bring laughter to my sweet boy.

Today’s blog is just a rant of honesty.  I’m tired. My brain is mushy and I don’t feel myself.  That’s why I’m doing this – getting off my chest, out to the world and LETTING IT GO.  I’ll continue to do my very best but I have to center myself and remind myself that even though I am getting things done, until I’m truly happy again it won’t be my best.  So weekends are no longer going to be spent worrying about all the world I have to do during the week.  I’m going to log off from time sucking social media, and enjoying my sweet boys who are growing so fast.  I’m going to throw on Ugg boots, save for my 50/50s and make time to be the creative person I am.

Hopefully I’ll be back with some updates on lately – like GETTING BACK TO RUNNING and my EARLY morning yoga/meditation sessions that I’m making a point to do.  I just want to tell everyone it is normal to feel sad, angry, anxious – but it is what you do to battle it.  Do you talk about it?  Do you find what makes you happy to get out of it?  Do you give yourself a break and write down all the things that you DO DO correctly?  It is one thing to hold yourself to high standards, it is another thing to be miserable in the handling of it.  Life should be challenging, but rewarding.  I always thing of it as 80/20 but I’m making a SOLID effort to making it 94/6 ;-)

You really must love the life you live, ya’ll. If you don’t, time to change it up.


Oh.  Snuggle a baby, love a dog. :D

Train Thoughts 8/20

pulled up this app and posted train thoughts from last month. 

Random thoughts:

1.  How powerful is music?  High five to my Hoizer pandora station I’m just 😍 about it. 

2. I can’t believe this app saved stuff from a month ago

3. I never did take MAV’s 8 month pictures so pictures from the 4th will be the placeholder. 

4. I did take 9 month photos but those aren’t up yet.  

5. I hate excuses but I make so many 😓

Turning on my positive Brian waves:

I’m loving life these days.  Hector and I are powering through so much both physical: house projects and side stuff and mental: goal setting, making conscience effort to spend time together, to text to chat, to have dinner dates (thanks, mom!).  Some days are way easier than others but things are great.  

We have been taking advantage of the spectacular weather and making several beach trips with my beach babes

And enjoying our growing family.  It’s been great.  Again with some challenges but my practice has really taught me to let it be, let it go.  Pray for those I struggle with because they are on their own journey and they may see their bumps as mountains and don’t heed signs of stormy weather ahead.

Life is what you make of it.  We only get one.  I’m making sure I spend time with people who lift me, push me, and I’m giving back to those I cherish. If it isn’t through obvious gestures it is through my well thought prayers. 

Fitness goals: 

I’ve started the running game again. I’ve made excuses but I have missed it.  Bought myself fancy headphones that don’t fall out of my weird ears 😊 #littlethings 

Yoga daily!  Even if it’s a couple sun salutations over a five minute period.  I need my flexibility back and the beauty of my happy selfish place.  

What are you up to? Today I’m grateful for the train that gives me 40-50 minutes of thought. #reset 

Give life a high five and follow me on Insta: Jelmvilla 

#liveyourbestlife #namaste 


Train Thoughts: Thursday Check In 6/11

My life feels like a series of oxymorons.  Longest short days ever, for example. Haha.

Time bandit strikes daily.  I’m so full of things to do I’m busy nonstop – I’m always doing something but nothing feels done.  I’m still trying to excel at too many things and have to learn to stop putting so much on my plate. QUALITY >QUANTITY (I’ve never been awesome at math..)

The reason for pushing myself constantly?  Wanting to grow.  Wanting to grow professionally (not necessarily up, horizontal… Learn what I can and share, knowledge is power).  Wanting to grow in my yoga practice (which seemingly always takes a backseat yet it’s the best way for me to achieve balance #repriortize).  Wanting to grow as a mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend.  To be a better person spiritually, physically and mentally.   

(My home grown peonies make me so happy-good pic for a blog break up #lovepictures)

My babies keep me so grounded. So thankful and so focused. I need to be the best I can be, not only for ME but for them.   

To teach them light and love.  The importance of relationships, hard work, dedication, family, and unconditional love and devotion. To be faithful to God.  To pray daily.

Michael is 7 months old. How unreal.  Evan will be 3 YEARS young next month.  I’m so incredibly blessed, stressed and blissful. So thankful for my supporters… They will never know the peace they give me.

 Like those too handsome dudes.  

This post is just a check in to show how intensely chaotic things are but peaceful too.  How scary a day can be and how beautiful… Hector had a work scare a BIG one, one that reminds you what is important in life: each other. Health. safety.  Things we take for granted. It’s so much easier to commiserate than to see the good.  Try to be the light in someone’s day, not the darkness.  

That’s all for today folks. 


Ten Things Tuesday 4.28

1. I’m obsessed with the Sia album.  Listening to it now. 🎶🎧

2. Going out of town with my littlest love soon, and have anxiety over it.  It will be such a good experience but they have SO MUCH STUFF. 

3. Hector and I haven’t been out alone overnight since our honeymoon. I see white sand beaches and waves in our future 🌊🌞

4. I’m obsessed with Ashley Horner.  She is such a badass and proves that you can be kickass with strechies.  The best battle scars ever.  Mine are so minimal but it’s no secret I was devastated over them.  Every day my core gets stronger and they fade they grow on me.  


We get one body.  Gotta own it. #ashlete 

5. Owning my goals.  Huge for me right now.  My days are filled with work, mom duties, wife duties and trying to be the best I can be.  I want my kiddos to be proud of me.  That said, my goal is to rock a bikini feeling badass by my birthday. It’s out there now. My first progress picture:  

6. Michael will be six months in about a week so I’m prepping for solids: 

Note: anything labeled baby is immediately priced at a premium. Glass mason jars 9 bucks for 12. 

7. Loving Lush Ultra Bland right now.  My face thanks me every night.

8. 6 months exclusive breastfeeding.  So proud of us and thankful for my love to hate relationship with my pump:  

9. My other woman crush? Joanna Gaines.  I love her style, her devotion to her family, and her IG.

10. Baby wearing, bob and dinosaurs:




Train Thoughts 4.24.15

my goal in life is to inspire.  Why?  Likely because I think people are amazing.  I think the world is filled with overwhelming beautiful things and people and we too often let darkness cloud the light.  I’m totally totally guilty of this. But these guys bring me back to the beauty in .3 seconds.  

Media is so incredibly powerful.  I’m so out of tune with it because since having my boys I’m incredibly sensitive to life.  I cry at beauty.  Cry at pain.  I feel so intensely everything around me.  I love being in touch with those feelings but they also terrify me.  Anxiety?  Sure. But it’s making me a better person.  Being emotional is not a bad thing.  It drives me to do push-ups and pull ups when I’d rather be sleeping.  It drives me to smile vs pout.  It drives me to give hugs to Evans tantrums over throwing my hands up and yelling.  

We only get one shot at life. My advice is simple: do what makes you happy, drop people who make you feel anything but awesome, stop and soak up the vitamin D, thank God for everything, love hard, be grateful, listen to good music, and find your happy place… Go there often.  Treat your body like your most prized possession because its yours and it does wonderus things. Bad days happen.  Push past it. Own your life.

I’m still figuring out things everyday but everyday I’m grateful and smile and my boys are healthy and happy and safe. I’m winning. The best things in life really are free. My sister asked Evan “Evan would you save Micheal from a skunk? “

Evan: “uh huh.  And ghosts and monsters and dinosaurs”

My heart.  My soul.  I’m so proud of you.


You are my everything.

#rambleonfriends #streamoftrainthoughts 

Oh and do yoga folks #lifechanges #namaste

Morning Rituals

I am a morning person.  I wasn’t always for some reason in college and high school I thought it was cool to be a night owl.  So not cool (for me, I’m so unproductive in the pm). I’ve definitely switched up and enjoy early mornings.  It’s nice to see warmer weather because I’m hoping it will motivate early runs with my favorite bear-Oso. We both can use the stretch. 

My best mornings have the following highlights:

Breakfast in a mason jar usually to go:



Coffee a plenty.

Warm lemon water.

Stretches on my Mat, some ab work and attempts at pull-ups. Flashback to my skinny self pumping them out NBD right now I’m working my way back. 


Folding at least half a basket of laundry.

Snuggles with my littles:



Putting a preped lunch in my bag with a cooler for my liquid gold. 

Pumping sesh before work. 

More snuggles. 

Frantic panic to find keys, run to my car, get to the train station.

Phone call to my mom.