Frustration Sets In

Yesterday we walked, bounced and made… Who knows how much progress because I’ll tell you I’m typing from the comforts of this ball again with a very similar bump but not a similar smile:

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Ok, I know Evan was born a week late, and I was prepping myself for another late baby BUT OMG!  Yes, this is me venting.  I’m very very frustrated.  Why?  Because last night I went for a walk with my husband and started getting crazy contractions.  I was getting them every couple minutes, I thought – well they could slow down when I stop and they SORT OF did.  We had to stop at Target for some milk and hung out at my parents house for about a half hour before then.  I was still getting pretty consistent contractions at 4-6 minutes apart but I decided to just keep it to myself as the intensity had died down and I’m really sick of the back and forth “is she, isn’t she in labor.”

So as we left my mom’s house and on our way to Target I was still getting them pretty consistently, but wanted to make sure I had them for a full hour before I called anyone.  Well, I suck at timing contractions but I will tell you this – at Target I was getting a few that stopped me dead in my tracks.  At one point Hector said, “Jen smell this candle!” and I was in my head like “LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!” Outside I said “great babe, whatever you want.” We finished up at the store and I actually pretty much waddled (yes, waddled!!!) back to the car.  At this point I swear I could feel the baby’s head REALLY low like pressure in places I’ve never felt before.  For a moment I thought “The poor women that experience that pressure for months!” – but then I became selfish again as my back started to hurt I was getting dull aches in my lower back, shooting pains down my hamstrings and when I walked I could also feel pains down the FRONT of my legs.  I just wanted to get home so bad.

We get home and I sit on the stairs right when you walk in the door, looking at our to go bag and the carseat that Evan wanted SO badly to get into.

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No matter how much I tell him he doesn’t fit he just wants to “buckle up” and sit in it.  He is so huge, I felt such a crazy mix of emotion – sadness, frustration, exhaustion – mental exhaustion. My “baby” is clearly not a baby, he was so sad and I just wanted to cry with him.  But our reasons for crying were so different, he needed sleep – I had kept him up way past his bedtime trying to get his baby out – I had clearly done too much as my whole body was just achy, I started to feel sick.  I put him down for bed and he fell asleep quickly.  I had hydrated a lot all day so I was constantly up and down last night and in SO MUCH PAIN getting up and down.  The second I’d get up to go to the bathroom I’d have like wrap around pain from my back, to my front.  I felt like the baby was going to FALL OUT of my body.  It was not pleasant at all.  But the moment I laid down and relaxed I’d be semi comfortable and everything would stop.

So my conclusion?  Evan’s experience thus far was better.  This has been stressful and scary and uncomfortable for several weeks now and I’ve had it.  I’m still pregnant.  I’m sick to my stomach and I’m really frustrated.  My husband goes back to work Nov. 3rd no baby or with baby and I just want to scream.  Please baby, come.  We are ready for you – my body hurts, I’m ready for the overwhelming exhaustion and other pains but the mental part of this right now is like a horrible mind game that is unfair.  I don’t care if I get the “ugh, get over it” comments, baby will come – because the problem is if he was comfortably in there like Evan – I’d be like FINE!  But he isn’t and I just need to be done.  I’m so done.

WIth that… How cute is this bed-head?

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He is watching way too much TV but oh well – he’ll survive.  I guess we will try to bundle up and go for another walk.  Oso will approve of that – I’m also a horrible mother – Evan still doesn’t have a costume.  I looked everywhere for something for him and am kicking myself that I didn’t just buy a dragon costume that was on sale at Pottery Barn.  He wants to be Spiderman but he is too small and the only ones I find are for kids and he really is still in toddler sizes between 2 and 3T.  I’m going to dress him up as a “big brother” doesn’t that sound fair? lol  One more picture of him yesterday during his nap (yes he was still in pjs for his 12 p.m. nap, do not judge, he didn’t want to take them off and in fact insisted I put pants that were too small OVER them:

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I think it is hysterical.  This kiddo keeps me going <3

Still Trucking On…

Today started early, really early.  I couldn’t sleep.  Not sure why.  Or is it obvious?  You can tell me. Last night we went for a late walk (after sanding the deck, staining the deck, and raking leaves… oh and cleaning) and I had some SERIOUS contractions on my way back home.  Like the types that stop you from walking, make you almost double over in pain.  I tried to play them off because I was with my husband, dog and pushing my son in the BOB (thank GOD for the BOB..) and I’m tired of being the wife that is “oh, ouch” and Hector being the husband like “everything ok?” then nothing happens – and I feel like a fool.  Any who – I’m the type of walker that hates how slow my husband walks.  I go, and I go quickly.  He never walks fast enough, yet last night he ended up pretty far ahead of me with Oso as my contractions slowed me down…big time.  I didn’t want to jinx it but I really thought I might be going into labor.

We get home, Hector notices my discomfort and asks me if he thinks this is it.  I told him “this will likely stop.”  Naturally, I relaxed sat down and – nothing. *sigh*

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I know this is the story of many pregnant women, but still – not fun.  So I laid in bed with lots of tightening but no pain and couldn’t help but think how our lives were going to change… AGAIN.  It sorta freaked me out, so then I prayed.  I just prayed for sleep, rest. I know I won’t be getting much soon but all I could focus on last night was Hector’s snoring and my discomfort. So as this blog started… My Tuesday – started early.

Luckily, I had a doctor’s appointment today. I try not to get too worked up for appointments because I remember my disappointment when I would get “checked” with Evan.  I remember hearing “still closed” and “prepare yourself for induction.”  Even though my due date is tomorrow, so I’ve made it all the way, I don’t see this baby going too far past his due date and thankfully my doctor agrees.  We walked (yes walked, I’m still not quite at waddle) into the appointment light hearted and not expecting too much.  But!!! I’m 3cm dilated!  It is almost surreal, this pregnancy is just so much different than Evan’s.  He really thinks I’ll have a baby in my arms by Halloween :) – I knew stuff was happening last week but again each day, heck.. each hour is different with this one.  I’m not sure what I like better – the nothing, or the something.  I guess you just want baby at this point.

Another thing that happened today?  The flu shot.  Oh man my arm hurts.  It feels like I did a really bad tricep workout, like bad form that messed up a muscle that shouldn’t be hurt.  I also feel super sleepy and gross.  IDK.  I planned on another crazy active day but it was actually a very quiet day.  Most of the day was sitting around, just catching up with with a dear friend and her sweet baby girl and my uber cuddly Evan (I. Love. It.) – he is such a little sweetie.  There was coffee and girl time and chatting about motherhood, the good the bad and the ugly.  I’m so blessed by the people I’m surrounded by.  All my bests checked in on me today – I love them.  I’m just so lucky.  I’ve also been just cuddling and loving my no-so-little dude (who fell asleep while cuddled up next to me today):

Random picture of my cutie pie at costco.  Seriously, my heart.

Random picture of my cutie pie at costco. Seriously, my heart.

So yes, random post – but I wanted to get it out there.  How I feel, my random, tired thoughts.. my really restful day with pizza and water lots and lots of water (am I craving water?  Ice water?  hm…).   Oh and a trip to the GAP to get something for the newbs that naturally ended up being several new pairs of awesome pjs for Evan and an awesome trick or treat shirt that I think he will wear every day between now and Halloween – all sales, all additional 50% off.  *insert hear eyes emogji*  I’m feeling so blessed lately – like things are coming together.  This pregnancy has been EXTREMELY challenging, but life is what you make of it and even if the journey has rocky moments, at some point all the obstacles start to make sense and just prepare you to be a better person.  A better mother, wife, listener, friend.  Thanks be to God who has and always will be in my corner. He really has blessed us lately.

All Ready!

Well, I’ve been in crazy nesting mode.  I’m sorta driving Hector nuts, ah well.  Something is finally [almost] complete!!  The NURSERY!  Evan spent a lot of time in our room, but I feel like setting up his nursery was super important.  A way to feel “ready” for baby, I’m lucky I was able to put together another nursery for our new addition.  I’m still holding out hope I’ll find a great new glider, but my budget has been tightened so it may not happen. Never the less, here it goes!  We saved a lot of money by reusing Evan’s gently used crib that just has some teeth marks where the blankets are draped.  The frames above baby #MAV’s crib were a STEAL at target for 13.48 each (originally 45ish bucks!!).  Not sure if we will keep his initials in them just yet, it was a quick easy CHEAP! idea ;-)

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Something else, we re-used?

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Evan’s mobile. He now has some paper airplanes hanging in his room and we plan on getting him some old school “hair planes” to hang where this once was – Evan is into all things moving (trucks, TRAINS, air planes, and helicopters) – so we are just going to get some vintage looking things to help complete his “bigger” boy room.  I love the simplicity and uniqueness of this mobile so I’m glad it is making another very important appearance.

Next up, nursing station:

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a nice lamp (lying around the house), nursing table (nipple cream, breast pads and likely a granola bar or two in the not too far future are hidden in the drawers of the table) and a earthy candle I can already see lil guy cuddled in my arms, Evan at my feet and my kindle neglected beside me ;-)

Some other small details:

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This hanging basket from target.  Filled with a couple books, wubbanubs, burpy bibs and my beloved Nosfrida.  The one thing we did splurge on early on was a new dresser for the bebe, good thing we got it to before our household “halt” if you will:

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It’s a super great piece that will last forever that has a lovely gouge in it from getting it home – made us realize we def need an SUV.  Int eh basket are some newborn diapers and wipes and the only thing missing is the changing pad and a diaper warmer (Evan is currently using as a piggie bank, lol).  On his shelf is a cute tin I grabbed from Michaels filled with extra pacficers and baby mittens :) the drawers are full of clothes.  We are all ready for you!

Now if my little love would just get here quickly!  I’m getting anxious!

How cute is big bro to be E?

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Alright – lots to do.  Hope you enjoyed my mostly picture update.

Halloween-y Stuff

Today has been busy, and in the best way possible.  We’ve been blissfully busy this week which was filled with some vacation time, nesting time and more nesting time.  Hector has had some wonderful feedback on some life changing things so thank you GOD.  Some of our life will be back to normal sooner rather than later.  I can finally breathe (well sorta, I’m a bit crowded in the lungs area). It is amazing what faith does to you, how family and friends comfort and encourage and send positive vibes your way.  They make such a difference.

We love Halloween in this house.  I love to decorate, I love to carve pumpkins, toast pumpkin seeds and spend time with friends and family in fun costumes.  Although this year will be low key, or CRAZY because of a new baby. I’ve done a bit o’decorating and some thrifty Michaels shopping for our annual pumpkin carving/painting weekend… 60% off fallish sprigs gave me this fantastic inspiration:

Before:

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After:

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It now looks lovely on our front door:

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All for a whopping SIX dollars!  Those pretty colorful leaves are leftovers from a beautiful bouquet my best friend sent me, I’m so happy they get to happy greet people at my front door for the season.  Like I said, I’ve been nesting like crazy, I want just everything to be perfect everywhere and today – it was!  We had our nephew and fam over for some pumpkin decorating:

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I’d say they were happily entertained for a whole 10 minutes, then chased each other around the house for several hours.  Evan crashed in his high chair about 30 minutes after Jay and fam left and I’m pretty sure he is out for the night <3 – He had such a great time, it is awesome watching them together, Evan is 2, Jay is 6 and they play really well together makes me super happy that my little dudes will soon be able to entertain eachother and never be lonely <3

Here’s our damage for the day:

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and:

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I’m off to clean out another closet, I’m purging and detoxifying – I’m also getting braxton hicks like crazy (and heartburn!!! omg. never ever ever have I had anything like this before)!  Maybe baby will be here before 10/29 <3

 

 

Trials &Faith

It has been a long while since I have sat down and typed anything.  Life has been… trying.  They say when it rains, it pours, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt that to be more true – until lately – this year really, to be specific.  It has been a tough year for my family.  Filled with some serious trials, the ones where you can’t breathe, freak out – cry, are numb… etc. My grandmother passed away in July and I still cannot bring myself to talk about it, she was one of the most influential people in my life and I still feel a major void whenever she crosses my mind, which is quiet often.  When I thought things couldn’t be more difficult to handle, of course, circumstances come around and remind me – oh they definitely can get worse.  Even still, with everything going on – I’m lucky, because at least my family is healthy & my Evan couldn’t be more happy.  Not sure how I’d make it without this little kid, he will never know the strength he gives me:

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As you well know, I’m also very pregnant.  This pregnancy has been difficult for me.  I’ve never been good with body changes and this one, has really really given me a run for my mental money.  Although I love my little who seems to be very happy and healthy bouncing around in there – this pregnancy has really wiped me out.  I definitely feel more blue than with Evan and a lot of it has to do with the never ending exhaustion which I’m sure is a combination of the things going on in my life, long days, a two year old, a major injury around 17 weeks that really put me on the sidelines and just stretching not as good as the first time.  My thighs are wider, my hips are wider and I have stretch marks – I still don’t think I’ll ever be ok with.  I’m being honest here – these things really bother me and so I just want to write that pregnancy isn’t always rainbows and sunshine -but newborns, children, their innocence – I know when he is here in my arms, I will feel it was all worth it.  People can tell me I look great, that I don’t look almost 9.5 months pregnant but I FEEL all of it, every bit of 9.5 months, I feel.  My ribs hurt like no other, I get quiet a few contractions a day, my energy levels are non-existent and I’m getting anxious about meeting my little man.

With all the negative out of the way – I’m going to discuss some of the things that are making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. My family has been so crazy amazing, it isn’t even funny.  My mom, so supportive – I can’t imagine getting through these things without her.  My friends, who are all going through their own major life changes – so thoughtful and supportive.  Not sure they will ever know how much their text messages, little check ins, FLOWERS, and positive vibes and prayers really uplift me – my life is rich because of the people that surround me… My relationships are what keep me going.  My faith in God.  God has never let us down, everyone goes through trials in life, if you have faith – you shouldn’t fear and that’s a prayer I send up each day – God I do not fear, you will provide.  FALL – the cool weather is refreshing, layers make me happy and my newest PUMPKIN will be arriving soon!!

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With everything that is going on, I’ve had to let a few things that are VERY IMPORTANT to me, go.  One specifically that hit me hard, though not too many people understood “it’s just xxx” – not a big deal… Well, to me it was, to me it meant a lot and to me it was something that I cried a lot over, because it was important to me.  Somehow, it is happening anyway, a semi-stranger, doing something for our family that means more to me than she will ever know.  I don’t even know how to share my gratitude, I just hope she knows how much it means to me.  Even with some clouds, our future is bright.

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Trials & faith.  It is the thing lives are made of.

 

Where we are…

I’m sitting in my beautiful family room, HGTV providing background noise.  My “Be Peaceful” candle providing the most wonderful calming smell:

 

 

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Evan is snoozing peacefully, after a day of running around with his crazy runny nose – poor guy has a cold.

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Today was a beautiful day.  It started early after a rough night of sleep (I am SUCH a light sleeper).  Evan was just given a “big boy” bed and he kept slamming his head into the wall as he moved around on his new mattress. Each time he stayed asleep but I was alert as ever wondering it he would start crying at any moment. There is SO MUCH going on around us.  Besides prepping for a new baby, we have work stuff going on, friend stuff going on, family stuff going on and home stuff going on.  It is like so crazy.  But as I wait for my teapot to start whistling for my calm tea, I am just crazy grateful.  I’m grateful for my mom who listens to me complain, grateful for my friends who understand me without me needing to explain anything, grateful for the happy healthy baby boy bouncing in my belly, grateful for my husband who still loves me even when I’m a train heading to crazy town. 

Not everything is always sunshine and daisies and we definitely have our share of obstacles we are traversing but we are making it.  Together. 

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I’m feeling the need to nest like NO OTHER.  I want to clean, organize and make everything perfect for Evan, baby, Hector and I (& O).  I just need to find the energy to get things where I want them.  We are hands deep in deciding what other gear we need and I finally (with the help of momma above) picked out our new stroller.  When Evan was born I picked out two strollers Peg Perego’s P3 (I figured would be our light weight stroller and matched my carseat) and the BOB.  I cannot say enough about the BOB I ABSOLUTELY love the BOB, we still use it almost daily – Evan is great in strollers. We used the BOB with him within a few weeks of him being born because we picked up the carseat adapter.  The P3, left something to be desired.  It was expensive and I think I used it once.  It is now with my MIL who watches Evan and I don’t miss it. I just wasn’t feeling it.  It was a great lesson in try it before you buy it.  When we found out we were having another baby I immediately started day dreaming about an UppaBaby stroller it was the stroller I wish I would have bought after I tried and used the P3 and I was going to try to talk Hector into it ;-)  – well this time, I decided before spending 730 *gasp* dollars on a stroller, I wanted to TRY it first.  

OH MY GOODNESS am I GLAD I DID.  My mom, Evan and I went to Buy Buy Baby and tried out the UppaBaby Vista and the Britax B-Ready.  They have very similar features, allow for a kickboard, and rumble seat and have all the configurations I desired. After having Evan play many different roles (I should rent him out as a stroller tester, he was amazing) – my mom and I had a WITHOUT A DOUBT winner:

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the B-Ready was hands down my favorite of the two and for the price, I feel like it is a steal.  Literally the only things I liked better about the uppababy was the black frame and the prettier kickboard – clearly not enough to choose it over the B-Ready that handled better and felt more solid.  I will never again make a big purchase like this without testing ;-) and would recommend big-time to new momma’s who are as crazy about online shopping as I am – sometimes you just need to get to the store and move things around. We’ve already been using this lovely stroller I can’t say I like it more than the BOB, because I don’t but I’m excitied to have a stroller with the versitlity of this one.  We will be buying a couple add on-s first up is the careseat adapter.

One purchase down and only a few more to go.  

Things are piling up around here – and I’m getting anxious to do a load of baby laundry. I have several new boxes of my favorite baby swaddlers that I want to unwrap and get washed. My final box is on the way because I found it at a STEAL of a price ~32 BUCKS!! Hector may kill me because we still have a ton from Evan but I keep reminding him – baby needs baby’s own stuff too & Evan doesn’t like to share yet and will likely think all these new swaddlers are his.  I do almost own the entire bamboo collection hahaha but am IN LOVE with this organic pattern I bought, it is foxy ;-) and I’m eyeing the new circus collection IT’S FUN! But really babe, promise I’m done for now – don’t forget I use them as nursing covers, stroller and carseat covers, to wipe up spit up and layer a bunch together for time in the park… They really are my most used baby item and I’ve blogged about my love for them for two consecutive Thanksgivings!! (haha crazy just realized this) here and here.

I’m still looking for the perfect going home outfit and dresser, and rug and wall decor – so I still have a lot to do and <8 weeks until my due date!  Yikes!

So that is – where we are <3 Sicky is stirring tea is burning… O is wanting a walk so now I get to choose between the two strollers (I’ll ask evan!) and take the boys for a walk. Adios!  Happy Saturday!!

 

Loving Weekends, per usual

I don’t know what makes life go faster.  A two year old, or a rapidly approaching newborn.  Any ideas?

I’m expanding like no other, or so it feels.  It felt good yesterday that my overly honest, no filter bro said, “you don’t even look pregnant, it is hard to believe the baby will be here soon.” But I may have a stretch mark forming which is totally weird because 1) never got them before, 2) I haven’t itched for a second and 3) it is like a light pink scratch looking thing.  I’m hoping it is paranoia but only time will tell and needless to say I’ve upped water intake and lathering up on my belly butter.   I’m trying not to stress about it, but I’ve accepted anything body related I stress about.

Here is a breakdown of yesterday:

Woke up, cuddled with my two year old.  Ran out of the house for a glucose test.  What a fun thing to do as a prego.  Make me drink this pretty gross orange drink first think in the am, and sit around for an hour.  Luckily I had good company, my momma & my number one little dude right now.  We stopped for brunch after:

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Afterwards, a quick run to Costco for some staples, Penguin came with:

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We came home and BOTH napped.  Clearly the blood drawing took a lot out of us ;-)

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After our nap, we took a quick walk to EP’s taste.  The weather was INCREDIBLE. The atmosphere was awesome, way better than previous years – we enjoyed live bands, a few bites of food I don’t normally touch and Evan had a BLAST on some of the rides.  My heart was so full watching him, it almost exploded.

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We also enjoyed an insanely beautiful sunset:

 

It was such a sweet night.  Uncle Joe even made an appearance that Evan loved:

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By the time we got home, we were all ready to crash and we did.  But not before some rough housing with our poor pup, Oso:

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Today has been just as fast paced.  Although we slept in!  Didn’t really roll out of bed until around 7:45 about an hour and 45 minutes later than usual.  Maybe third trimester sleepies?  Who knows. Hahaha.  I went shopping with one of my very best friends, Joanna.  Brought Evan home for a nap and am catching up on some other thoughts that I plan to write about in the not too far future like breastfeeding, prepping a big boy’s room and a nursery AGAIN *sigh* so much to do.

Well, I’m off for a laundry marathon.  Followed by cleaning, organizing, some yoga and cuddling with my two year old.  Oh!  Salmon for dinner and one of our family walks.  I’m telling you there has been nothing better lately.

Happy Sunday!