I started to write a post around my birthday discussing how I actually like aging. Because I’m slowly learning more and more about myself. Likes, dislikes – things I should spend time on, thinks I shouldn’t – relationships I want to develop, relationships that I don’t – I love being a mom, love working (usually ;-) ), love taking care of my home (minus folding laundry and picking up dog poop), and generally enjoy being able to try to manage time doing things I love. This year has been an immense year of growth, trying to find my rhythm and why some weeks are challenging as hell, some remind me that this is the only life you have and I find bliss and peace everywhere I can.
I’ve always been a thinker – I think all the time, makes it difficult to sleep sometimes difficult to focus on one task at hand because I have a million things floating in my brain. I used to think exercise was my only release but I’ve found comfort in taking pictures, reading to my boys, and attempts at meditation. I’ve also found that forcing myself to get through something has helped me focus on something longer (ie those difficult coloring books, running an extra half mile or pushing myself in a challenging yoga pose just when I think I can’t I tell myself f-you, you can). Projects outside my scope of BAU at work have also helped a bit because I feel like I’m doing something bigger than my job title, hopefully making changes that might HELP an employee get through something. It is very natural for me to put more on my plate, because for some reason I never really feel a sense of accomplishment – I never feel I’ve done GOOD enough.
Another thing that has challenged me lately? Taking pictures. I’m not quite sure of my goals yet maybe it is to learn Photoshop (haven’t opened it yet for any of my pictures, I’ve done light editing through Lightroom), or the capabilities of my camera – or maybe,probably most likely, it is to give someone a feeling of happiness through photographs the way Shannon (S.D. Wyatt Photography) has done for me.
Yesterday I took a few pictures of one of my very best friends. This is a raw photo, no edits, no nothing. It shows that babies aren’t always perfect but the look of calm and control on this momma’s face is true – she’s got it. She’s in control and knows what her baby wants and needs, it’s truth, in a picture and I love it:
Then the moments with my boys, it is a challenge to NOT pick up the camera and try to capture everything with them – and just be in the moment. I love them more than anything on the entire planet (again, no edits):
This year I’m still finding it challenging to fit everything in and typically things for me fall by the wayside – actually too often they do. So I’m making it a new goal to make sure I make time to get away, by myself, and nurture the things I need to nurture – for myself.
I’ll continue to overdo – it’s just who I am but in the meantime I’m going to fill my day with baby snuggles, laundry (yuck), and some homework.
Love. Light. Peace.
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