Frustration Sets In

Yesterday we walked, bounced and made… Who knows how much progress because I’ll tell you I’m typing from the comforts of this ball again with a very similar bump but not a similar smile:

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Ok, I know Evan was born a week late, and I was prepping myself for another late baby BUT OMG!  Yes, this is me venting.  I’m very very frustrated.  Why?  Because last night I went for a walk with my husband and started getting crazy contractions.  I was getting them every couple minutes, I thought – well they could slow down when I stop and they SORT OF did.  We had to stop at Target for some milk and hung out at my parents house for about a half hour before then.  I was still getting pretty consistent contractions at 4-6 minutes apart but I decided to just keep it to myself as the intensity had died down and I’m really sick of the back and forth “is she, isn’t she in labor.”

So as we left my mom’s house and on our way to Target I was still getting them pretty consistently, but wanted to make sure I had them for a full hour before I called anyone.  Well, I suck at timing contractions but I will tell you this – at Target I was getting a few that stopped me dead in my tracks.  At one point Hector said, “Jen smell this candle!” and I was in my head like “LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!” Outside I said “great babe, whatever you want.” We finished up at the store and I actually pretty much waddled (yes, waddled!!!) back to the car.  At this point I swear I could feel the baby’s head REALLY low like pressure in places I’ve never felt before.  For a moment I thought “The poor women that experience that pressure for months!” – but then I became selfish again as my back started to hurt I was getting dull aches in my lower back, shooting pains down my hamstrings and when I walked I could also feel pains down the FRONT of my legs.  I just wanted to get home so bad.

We get home and I sit on the stairs right when you walk in the door, looking at our to go bag and the carseat that Evan wanted SO badly to get into.

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No matter how much I tell him he doesn’t fit he just wants to “buckle up” and sit in it.  He is so huge, I felt such a crazy mix of emotion – sadness, frustration, exhaustion – mental exhaustion. My “baby” is clearly not a baby, he was so sad and I just wanted to cry with him.  But our reasons for crying were so different, he needed sleep – I had kept him up way past his bedtime trying to get his baby out – I had clearly done too much as my whole body was just achy, I started to feel sick.  I put him down for bed and he fell asleep quickly.  I had hydrated a lot all day so I was constantly up and down last night and in SO MUCH PAIN getting up and down.  The second I’d get up to go to the bathroom I’d have like wrap around pain from my back, to my front.  I felt like the baby was going to FALL OUT of my body.  It was not pleasant at all.  But the moment I laid down and relaxed I’d be semi comfortable and everything would stop.

So my conclusion?  Evan’s experience thus far was better.  This has been stressful and scary and uncomfortable for several weeks now and I’ve had it.  I’m still pregnant.  I’m sick to my stomach and I’m really frustrated.  My husband goes back to work Nov. 3rd no baby or with baby and I just want to scream.  Please baby, come.  We are ready for you – my body hurts, I’m ready for the overwhelming exhaustion and other pains but the mental part of this right now is like a horrible mind game that is unfair.  I don’t care if I get the “ugh, get over it” comments, baby will come – because the problem is if he was comfortably in there like Evan – I’d be like FINE!  But he isn’t and I just need to be done.  I’m so done.

WIth that… How cute is this bed-head?

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He is watching way too much TV but oh well – he’ll survive.  I guess we will try to bundle up and go for another walk.  Oso will approve of that – I’m also a horrible mother – Evan still doesn’t have a costume.  I looked everywhere for something for him and am kicking myself that I didn’t just buy a dragon costume that was on sale at Pottery Barn.  He wants to be Spiderman but he is too small and the only ones I find are for kids and he really is still in toddler sizes between 2 and 3T.  I’m going to dress him up as a “big brother” doesn’t that sound fair? lol  One more picture of him yesterday during his nap (yes he was still in pjs for his 12 p.m. nap, do not judge, he didn’t want to take them off and in fact insisted I put pants that were too small OVER them:

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I think it is hysterical.  This kiddo keeps me going <3

Still Trucking On…

Today started early, really early.  I couldn’t sleep.  Not sure why.  Or is it obvious?  You can tell me. Last night we went for a late walk (after sanding the deck, staining the deck, and raking leaves… oh and cleaning) and I had some SERIOUS contractions on my way back home.  Like the types that stop you from walking, make you almost double over in pain.  I tried to play them off because I was with my husband, dog and pushing my son in the BOB (thank GOD for the BOB..) and I’m tired of being the wife that is “oh, ouch” and Hector being the husband like “everything ok?” then nothing happens – and I feel like a fool.  Any who – I’m the type of walker that hates how slow my husband walks.  I go, and I go quickly.  He never walks fast enough, yet last night he ended up pretty far ahead of me with Oso as my contractions slowed me down…big time.  I didn’t want to jinx it but I really thought I might be going into labor.

We get home, Hector notices my discomfort and asks me if he thinks this is it.  I told him “this will likely stop.”  Naturally, I relaxed sat down and – nothing. *sigh*

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I know this is the story of many pregnant women, but still – not fun.  So I laid in bed with lots of tightening but no pain and couldn’t help but think how our lives were going to change… AGAIN.  It sorta freaked me out, so then I prayed.  I just prayed for sleep, rest. I know I won’t be getting much soon but all I could focus on last night was Hector’s snoring and my discomfort. So as this blog started… My Tuesday – started early.

Luckily, I had a doctor’s appointment today. I try not to get too worked up for appointments because I remember my disappointment when I would get “checked” with Evan.  I remember hearing “still closed” and “prepare yourself for induction.”  Even though my due date is tomorrow, so I’ve made it all the way, I don’t see this baby going too far past his due date and thankfully my doctor agrees.  We walked (yes walked, I’m still not quite at waddle) into the appointment light hearted and not expecting too much.  But!!! I’m 3cm dilated!  It is almost surreal, this pregnancy is just so much different than Evan’s.  He really thinks I’ll have a baby in my arms by Halloween :) – I knew stuff was happening last week but again each day, heck.. each hour is different with this one.  I’m not sure what I like better – the nothing, or the something.  I guess you just want baby at this point.

Another thing that happened today?  The flu shot.  Oh man my arm hurts.  It feels like I did a really bad tricep workout, like bad form that messed up a muscle that shouldn’t be hurt.  I also feel super sleepy and gross.  IDK.  I planned on another crazy active day but it was actually a very quiet day.  Most of the day was sitting around, just catching up with with a dear friend and her sweet baby girl and my uber cuddly Evan (I. Love. It.) – he is such a little sweetie.  There was coffee and girl time and chatting about motherhood, the good the bad and the ugly.  I’m so blessed by the people I’m surrounded by.  All my bests checked in on me today – I love them.  I’m just so lucky.  I’ve also been just cuddling and loving my no-so-little dude (who fell asleep while cuddled up next to me today):

Random picture of my cutie pie at costco.  Seriously, my heart.

Random picture of my cutie pie at costco. Seriously, my heart.

So yes, random post – but I wanted to get it out there.  How I feel, my random, tired thoughts.. my really restful day with pizza and water lots and lots of water (am I craving water?  Ice water?  hm…).   Oh and a trip to the GAP to get something for the newbs that naturally ended up being several new pairs of awesome pjs for Evan and an awesome trick or treat shirt that I think he will wear every day between now and Halloween – all sales, all additional 50% off.  *insert hear eyes emogji*  I’m feeling so blessed lately – like things are coming together.  This pregnancy has been EXTREMELY challenging, but life is what you make of it and even if the journey has rocky moments, at some point all the obstacles start to make sense and just prepare you to be a better person.  A better mother, wife, listener, friend.  Thanks be to God who has and always will be in my corner. He really has blessed us lately.

Big Buys – Do they ever end?

Today is another day that reminds me how close fall is!  It also reminds me how close BABY is as he will be a fall baby.  As much as I have a love/hate relationship with Chicago – I truly overall love it.  I have a hate relationship with some of the politics that have put us in a pretty deep hole and this past winter REALLY tested my IL patience (it was brutal, truly).  However, the fact that I get to enjoy all four seasons, don’t have to worry about scary spiders (like a BLACK WIDOW, omg.), hurricanes, tornadoes, and forest fires plus – all the culture of Chicago – the neighborhoods, world class food and entertainment – THE LAKE, it really is a great place to be, albeit expensive haha.  

The changing of the seasons makes for some great pictures.  In the winder I can throw Evan in a snowsuit in a pile of snow, fall in a pile of leaves – the summer offers beaches, water parks and pools – the spring we get to explore the garden for sprouting flowers.  You get the idea.  Although I have little spare time, something I love to do is capture moments on camera.  Several years ago my hubby bought me a Nikon and I’ve been lucky enough to capture some really great moments. <3

 

 

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These have become REALLY difficult to catch though – because my autofocus has been broken for like a year.  With still objects, NBD – with a child?  BIG DEAL.  So I’m on the market for a new DLSR.  At some point I’d really like to take a class and pick it up as yet another hobby – it is something I really do enjoy. 

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So I’m on the market for a new camera. I’m sure I could just buy a lens or take the Nikon in for repairs but I really have my eye on a Canon.  Why do there have to be so many models?  I have no clue what I really need, or the major differences between them and with all the camera lingo that I barely understand it has been an intense journey to knowledge.  So any suggestions? :D

 

Keep it Fit – Friday

Well, here we are.  Third trimester. I’m feeling, you guessed it, tired! But otherwise I feel good.  My ankle is healing and I’m lifting heavy things again *flexes*

Hahahaha.  But!! I’m making an effort to go to the gym several days a week and get in our long family walks which I’m currently in crazy love with.  Seriously, the weather lately has been awesome.  It has been warm enough to close your eyes and get that nice glow but cool enough that it reminds me fall is on the way.  As much as I LOVE summer, I really do think fall is hands down, my favorite season.  I love the pumpkin spiced everything from food to candles, the warm rich colors, apple cider, apple and pumpkin picking… The crisp air, riding boots and skinny jeans, layering… I’m not wishing away summer but I am welcoming the change.bob

Happy Friday, everyone!  What is your fit goal for the day?  Do you use Friday’s as your rest day?  I’m going to hit the gym if only to sit on a bike for 20 mins followed by a quick leg set… Gotta keep it fit, I want to look like this again:

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Moms can be fit, before, during and after pregnancy.  FOr me fit life is happy life.

Namaste, friends. 

It is Mommy’s Day!

Two days of blogging in a row.  I must be feeling better!  This morning is absolutely perfect.  I’ve had a hard time sleeping lately so last night I heard a welcomed little rain shower sneak in around 12 a.m. and fell comfortably back to sleep.  I LOVE rainstorms and rain.  Not all the time because I NEED my sunshine, but there is something soothing about the sound of falling rain – had I heard thunder, I would have thought God sent the small storm just for me.

Anyway, I’m an early riser.  I haven’t always been and I love sleep (so I go to bed as early as I can) but I love waking up before the sun and watching the awesome colors in the sky.  Friday morning I woke up way before the sun and it was raining I felt warm and safe in my home but the sound of the falling rain was so peaceful (told you, I love rain).  This morning though, my little sidekick who typically wakes early too withing 15-20 minutes of me being up is still sleeping!  So I went downstairs grabbed a cup of coffee (Nicole! I can drink it again!!!  ;-) ) took the dog out and enjoyed smelling fresh air and taking in the beauty of my yard.

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Hector and I dropped Evan at Grandma Debbie’s yesterday so we could do a few things outside without having to keep an eye on our little guy, he is FAST!  We planted some planters and just enjoyed some time cleaning up some stuff together in our yard.  I also realized I’ve gone a little crazy on the lavender (maybe it isn’t possible, I LOVE LAVENDER) but I have now about 5 different pots with some sort of lavender including this cute pot from Trader Joe’s that is already flowering:

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and took more pictures of our stunning perennials:

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I’m so grateful for what we have, friends, family, a home (with flowers, haha)… Weekends always remind me I am doing exactly what I should be because my life is so filled with love and joy.  Which brings me to today: Mother’s Day.  A day I just like to reflect on what I know:  Motherhood, hands down, is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I should say that I have had a lot of awesome things happen to me, but this definitely takes the cake.  Loving, nurturing and caring for another human being on this level cannot do anything BUT make you a better person.  I’m more efficient and effective, I’m more dedicated (as if that was possible), I weed out the BS because you recognize time is the most precious thing and you do not want to waste it…  NOTHING makes you realize how fast time flies more than a walking time stamp. I do not just manage my life and co-manage Hector’s, I am universe CEO – RESPONSIBLE for another human’s well-being.  It is a full-time job whether you are a stay at home mom, or a working mom we all do it differently.  Each has its own challenges, and I respect every single mother who works to make her child a healthy, loving addition to society.

My mother has been a shining example of everything I want to be to Evan and any future children I may have (:) ) – With that: I LOVE YOU MOM!! You are my rock and my hero.  Until I had Evan, I never understood the depth of your love, it is amazing how our bond has grown now that we share this special title.  I also am proud to be surrounded by my beautiful mommy friends!  Too many to name but I must say:  Joanna!  Happy first Mother’s Day with a baby in your arms, being a mother looks amazing on you and it is a beautiful thing to watch – we love you so much.  Nicole, my other half, happy Mother’s Day with your second little baby happily bouncing in your belly – I’m excited for the upcoming months for so many reasons ;-).  You both are inspiring and I LOVE LOVE LOVE sharing this journey with you.  Jenny, thank you for literally being the person I go though the motions with as our dudes are so close in age, I pray for the day you move closer. Anita!  He’s beautiful!! Happy First Mom’s Day with your little guy!! Jaz, another!! Miggie <3  PS we are like the Boy’s Club right now, all our little gentleman…  To the mom’s in my mommy group <3 sending light and love – watching the support all you wonderful ladies share each day makes me want to hug you all and warms my insides to know just how many amazing moms there are out there.

I hope everyone takes some time to just take in all the beauty around us and has a peaceful moment today.  XOXO

Evan, yesterday, at our favorite spot:

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Spring.

All sorts of things are blooming around here!!  Spring is FINALLY in the air.

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My Daffodils are flowering, and weathering our unseasonable cold.  Evan is my little man now… Has long ago shed his baby face and is a full on little human:

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He sings, laughs, plays tricks, runs, talks and blows my mind everyday.  He is just the happiest little guy anyone can imagine and he is the light of our lives.  

This winter was a rough one!  We have had maybe 2 or 3 beautiful days since our first freeze. Yesterday being one of them:

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And Easter being another:

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I’m getting out of my rut (which I’ll blog more about later!) and finally have some energy.  I’m telling you things are really growing and changing around here!  

We are looking to change up some home stuff, change up some life stuff and change up some garden stuff.  It is amazing what a little sunshine can bring to your life.

Happy Spring!

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Train Thoughts

Going with my thoughts theme today…

Well today was freakishly warm and insanely ewet. Melting snow and lots of rain. Crazy wind and fog. Weird day.

Looking at my salt stained boots and grateful for these randoms: the quick weights workout at my gym. My baby, husband, Oso, friends and family. Grateful for my job, my husbands job, my home. Grateful for coffee, tea, my amazon app, MY iPhone (how did people get along without these things? Life was so much simpler I’m sure). Grateful for my healthy body and all it’s imperfections and perfections (my insides are rockin! Good heart, good organs ;-) ). I’m grateful for my kindle and the books that sit in it, even the unread ones. Im grateful that J. K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter (I mean, who isn’t!?), I’m grateful for the education I’ve received, the opportunities I’ve been afforded. I’m grateful for vitamins, veggies and soul food (so what if I define soul food as avocados lol I guess an occasional French fry fits the bill but avocados make me feel good). I’m grateful for Metra Conductor uniforms, they remind me of that movie with Tom Hanks Based on that children’s book Polar Express. I’m grateful I have been able to experience motherhood. Grateful for my glasses, they are the first thing on last thing off my face. I’m grateful for freshii and Alex :) (Susie!) I’m grateful for my mind, and my sense of humor even if I’m the only one laughing. I’m grateful for yoga, running, heavy weights and shoes.

I’m grateful for you for taking the time to read my thoughts and for this quiet train ride of gratitude home.

What are you grateful for. All written on my iPhone wonder if there are any weird typos in there.