Honesty at Best

Excuse –

  1. 1.
    attempt to lessen the blame attaching to (a fault or offense); seek to defend or justify.

Yep, that’s all I can give for my break from blogging. Sad part is I enjoy blogging.  Which means it needs to stop taking a back seat to everything going on in my life. Which brings me to being honest and wanting to discuss several things.  I couldn’t write (no would anyone read) all of my random thoughts in one blog post so that means I have lots of content but need to make the time to put it all out there: the beautiful, the ugly, the honest.  But I must say my current state of insanity has only one person to blame, me.


The beauty behind this smile is that my life on that day was pure chaos.  I’d been working, received a call that my littlest love, who I am still nursing, had no milk left. So I had to rush home to feed him, and work from home.  Through that chaos I’m immensely grateful for the management team that helps support me.  But that day was not an easy one.  I felt the true internal battle of: what is best for me?  what is best for Michael?  what is best for my job? Do people really understand the personal stress of the challenge of being a mom/working mom that either nurses or pumps for her little one?  WHY DOESN’T MY BODY OVERPRODUCE like it did with Evan?  Why am I so stressed all the time?  Why do I feel so sad, like I’m failing EVERYONE, especially me. – I pride myself on overall making good decisions; but that doesn’t mean I’m always the most confident person in the room, in fact, as beautiful as confidence is and as much as admire it in the people around me, I constantly struggle with myself on just how confident I am in all things in my life.

Anyway, like most things – this day worked out.  Michael was fed, my job’s immediate needs were met but one thing keeps lingering on:  my feeling of so many open ends and the overwhelming anxiety that brings.

Our society today has so many issues.  One – we report too much negative.  Yes, bad things happen. But so do beautiful things.  Yes, some things are ugly and need attention – but some things are so overwhelmingly breathtaking and they need attention too:


Like how a simple curtain can bring laughter to my sweet boy.

Today’s blog is just a rant of honesty.  I’m tired. My brain is mushy and I don’t feel myself.  That’s why I’m doing this – getting off my chest, out to the world and LETTING IT GO.  I’ll continue to do my very best but I have to center myself and remind myself that even though I am getting things done, until I’m truly happy again it won’t be my best.  So weekends are no longer going to be spent worrying about all the world I have to do during the week.  I’m going to log off from time sucking social media, and enjoying my sweet boys who are growing so fast.  I’m going to throw on Ugg boots, save for my 50/50s and make time to be the creative person I am.

Hopefully I’ll be back with some updates on lately – like GETTING BACK TO RUNNING and my EARLY morning yoga/meditation sessions that I’m making a point to do.  I just want to tell everyone it is normal to feel sad, angry, anxious – but it is what you do to battle it.  Do you talk about it?  Do you find what makes you happy to get out of it?  Do you give yourself a break and write down all the things that you DO DO correctly?  It is one thing to hold yourself to high standards, it is another thing to be miserable in the handling of it.  Life should be challenging, but rewarding.  I always thing of it as 80/20 but I’m making a SOLID effort to making it 94/6 ;-)

You really must love the life you live, ya’ll. If you don’t, time to change it up.


Oh.  Snuggle a baby, love a dog. :D

Train Thoughts 8/20

pulled up this app and posted train thoughts from last month. 

Random thoughts:

1.  How powerful is music?  High five to my Hoizer pandora station I’m just 😍 about it. 

2. I can’t believe this app saved stuff from a month ago

3. I never did take MAV’s 8 month pictures so pictures from the 4th will be the placeholder. 

4. I did take 9 month photos but those aren’t up yet.  

5. I hate excuses but I make so many 😓

Turning on my positive Brian waves:

I’m loving life these days.  Hector and I are powering through so much both physical: house projects and side stuff and mental: goal setting, making conscience effort to spend time together, to text to chat, to have dinner dates (thanks, mom!).  Some days are way easier than others but things are great.  

We have been taking advantage of the spectacular weather and making several beach trips with my beach babes

And enjoying our growing family.  It’s been great.  Again with some challenges but my practice has really taught me to let it be, let it go.  Pray for those I struggle with because they are on their own journey and they may see their bumps as mountains and don’t heed signs of stormy weather ahead.

Life is what you make of it.  We only get one.  I’m making sure I spend time with people who lift me, push me, and I’m giving back to those I cherish. If it isn’t through obvious gestures it is through my well thought prayers. 

Fitness goals: 

I’ve started the running game again. I’ve made excuses but I have missed it.  Bought myself fancy headphones that don’t fall out of my weird ears 😊 #littlethings 

Yoga daily!  Even if it’s a couple sun salutations over a five minute period.  I need my flexibility back and the beauty of my happy selfish place.  

What are you up to? Today I’m grateful for the train that gives me 40-50 minutes of thought. #reset 

Give life a high five and follow me on Insta: Jelmvilla 

#liveyourbestlife #namaste 


Train Thoughts 7/17

well.  Michael is 8 months and I’ve yet to take his sticker pictures #momfails – Evan will be 3 on Tuesday – Oso is 5 – Hector and I are spending our 11th summer together and life is nuts.

It’s always going to be crazy.  Things of lately:

Exhaustion.  The little people in my life have been sleeping crappy.  Which means I’m sleeping crappy 😕 but when MAV is in my arms.  He seems to drift away quiet well.

Evan is everything.  He is a total 3 year old.  Happy, loving, brilliant. I cannot believe how grown up he is.  I ordered his birthday gifts today 😢 one will be on time, one not so much but that’s ok.  This year we are doing a small party and likely a overnight trip. Too much maddness this summer. 

A Little Bit About MAV – 7 Months

Two plus years ago I found the time to not only take pictures of Evan but blog about him EVERY single month what he was up to, what we were up to how my fitness stuff has changed, house updates ETC.   When I became prego with MAV they all said “you will have less and less pictures of your second baby, it’s just how it goes” – this is totally off base for me because I have almost 9K pictures on my phone alone (Apple LOVES me… Such a loyal spendy customer) and I have an amazing DSLR case that is exploding with full SD cards.  But I really haven’t carved out the super important time to write about his milestones, his amazingness.  But life happens. You get busy, you “prioritize.”  I just so happen to be guilty of mis-prioritizing from time to time.

However – Drum roll please…….


Mr. MAV is SEVEN MONTHS OLD!  I thought time passed quickly with Evan’s babyhood but it has passed much much more quickly this time around.  I simply cannot imagine life without MAV.  It has been the best seven months.  Here are a few things he is up to:


Being perfect.  Yeah yea, I know we all say this but he is the most laid back sweet calm easy baby I’ve ever seen.  I said this a lot about Evan, because he was a great baby too but Michael is just – always happy.  Until he is hungry or tired.  There is no guessing with him.  His favorite things to do are laugh, smile and scream.  His least favorite thing to do is eating solids (and you’d never guess by looking or holding him, dude is SOLID).  We’ve been working hardcore on solids and he just isn’t having them.  He will gag until he throws up sometimes (most times?).  He’s just into mom’s milk. ha. MAV is lightening fast.  For instance, we tried peas the other day (our most successful feat yet!) I turned around for not even a second and he decided he’d rather play with the bright green stuff:


And so fun with food continues.  One thing we all point out is MAV’s adorable right side dimple.  My happy dude shows it off quite often:


Michael is super strong, master roller, and beefy.  Solid guy, he is almost twenty lbs and has two front bottom teeth that started poking through right before his seventh month of life.  He has handled teething SO MUCH BETTER THAN EVAN did.  So that’s been great.  We aren’t crawling yet, backward scooting.. but no crawling:


He’s mastering cat-cow. I see it happening soonish but I’m in zero rush to have two mobile dudes.  Michael LOVES the bouncer in small doses and is really starting to just enjoy sitting an taking toys out of baskets, his hand-eye coordination is incredible and he’s starting to use his fingers to pick things instead of full double hand grab.  Everything naturally goes straight to his mouth.. he chews on everything.  He isn’t amazing at naps because EVERYTHING wakes him up but at night – he is almost always AMAZING.  We have a few nights where he wants to party at 2am but mostly he really sleeps from ~8 to 6.


To summarize:  He’s just freaking fantastic.  Solid and amazing.  Really I couldn’t ask for a more laid back happy loving guy.  Happy SEVEN MONTHS!!!

How’s Evan?  Also great and ALMOST 3!  Dude. How is this possible?  He absolutely loves his brother “baby Michael.” We do have some jealousy moments but he really does well overall with lil Mike.



Train Thoughts: Thursday Check In 6/11

My life feels like a series of oxymorons.  Longest short days ever, for example. Haha.

Time bandit strikes daily.  I’m so full of things to do I’m busy nonstop – I’m always doing something but nothing feels done.  I’m still trying to excel at too many things and have to learn to stop putting so much on my plate. QUALITY >QUANTITY (I’ve never been awesome at math..)

The reason for pushing myself constantly?  Wanting to grow.  Wanting to grow professionally (not necessarily up, horizontal… Learn what I can and share, knowledge is power).  Wanting to grow in my yoga practice (which seemingly always takes a backseat yet it’s the best way for me to achieve balance #repriortize).  Wanting to grow as a mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend.  To be a better person spiritually, physically and mentally.   

(My home grown peonies make me so happy-good pic for a blog break up #lovepictures)

My babies keep me so grounded. So thankful and so focused. I need to be the best I can be, not only for ME but for them.   

To teach them light and love.  The importance of relationships, hard work, dedication, family, and unconditional love and devotion. To be faithful to God.  To pray daily.

Michael is 7 months old. How unreal.  Evan will be 3 YEARS young next month.  I’m so incredibly blessed, stressed and blissful. So thankful for my supporters… They will never know the peace they give me.

 Like those too handsome dudes.  

This post is just a check in to show how intensely chaotic things are but peaceful too.  How scary a day can be and how beautiful… Hector had a work scare a BIG one, one that reminds you what is important in life: each other. Health. safety.  Things we take for granted. It’s so much easier to commiserate than to see the good.  Try to be the light in someone’s day, not the darkness.  

That’s all for today folks. 


Friday!!!! Friday!!!!!!

friday is here!  Friday is HERE!!!! 

Did you know? Probably. Today was nuts. A blink and your workday is done, kind of nuts. It was so many things good, not so good (Sorry Bill!) and a I get to spend two days of awesomeness with these dudes:  


My life is exactly where it needs to be. Completely chaotic but full of love and life.  Somehow my love and o still figure out time to do home projects!  

At night and in the dark. 😉 

Friday is here, literally smiling ear to ear.


I love us 😍😘 


6 Months

Dear Michael, 

Today you are 6 months. It’s amazing how much you have already contributed to the happiness of our family.  God knew we needed you in our lives and I feel so proud to be your momma.  You are my amazing baby!  You are the light of our lives.  Your brother absolutely adores you and you make me cry happy tears.  You are daddy’s mini me and I’m reminded of that fact daily.    

You love to smile and you soak in all around you.  You are super content until you are hungry.  You sleep really well most evenings it’s funny because nap time with you is impossible you are such a lite sleeper during the day but at night around 8 you really disconnect and fall into a deep peaceful sleep where I just cuddle close next to you and just soak up being near you.   

You are a nursing champion, and a bottle guru.  Just like Evan you are pretty much over the pacifier at 6 months. You have sooooo many parallels of your brother it’s hard not to compare you two.  I knew he set a super high bar but so far you are just as amazing as he was and I fee so incredibly lucky.  You want to be in the Moby or Ergo or in someone’s arms and I’m always happy to oblige:


We have tried to give you banana and avacado and you aren’t completely ready just yet.  You push it out of your mouth but we will slowly introduce you to solids now that you are 6 months.

You are getting ready for your first trip!  Momma has a work trip and Auntie Nicole is tagging along with you bc God knows I’m not prepared to be away from my little man for 3 nights! 

You smile with your eyes! You giggle and babble and are fascinated by so many things. I’m blown away by your coordination.  You are so smooth and calculated and you can roll all over the place.  If I ever put you down you could scoot around.  Not crawling yet but that’s probably my fault for always putting you in someone’s arms.  I’m in denial that you are 6 months.  I never thought it was possible for time to speed up.  But right when I think that, it does.

Back with some fancy pictures soon, time to eat some tacos and snuggle with you little love.  happy half birthday to you!!